A Satisfactory Explanation

This is how I see the story. It is a combination of things that are known, like the (absence of the) Giant Crab and the fact there is a Food-court and the food-court does not have any fish. This story is way better than whatever the devs come up with. Not because it is better, but because it is mine. The premises is that I am ONLY working on the current factory. All the previous ones where there already.

Getting hired

So here I am. Sitting on a god forgotten planet drinking something that could almost taste like coffee. Or at least what I remember coffee could taste like. Contemplating what I should do to get out of this. I have no idea. Perhaps thinking of how it started will help me to figure his out. So here I was downloading some game I heard a lot about. All the people talking abut it were really nice. So I downloaded and installed the game. But like an idiot I never read the popup and just clicked “Continue”1. Apparently by clicking “Continue” I agreed to be hired by Ficsit. How is this legal? Well, they changed the laws for it to be legal.

Ficsit bribed enough people so this law would pass. OK, it is called lobbying, not bribery. Same difference on this side. The stupid thing is that I have NO idea what I signed up for, what pay I get, if any. Also no idea for how long. Is it just for this project? Is it for a fixed time and if so, it is 9 weeks, 9 months, years, decades or centuries? I am sure they have a way to keep me alive for that time.

Getting there

When they picked me up it was clear they were not interested in what my side of the story was. It was when I was sipping a coffee in my favourite small coffee shop. I was sitting there with a great girl. It was our first date, so I just imagine she would be great. 15 minutes in, they just dragged me away. At their office they showed me a video explaining what I had signed and that I had to build a factory at some remote planet. All very generic and obviously shown to each sucker they caught. I later saw the same type of video when I was landing, but more on that later.

Basically just work till the end of my contract. They also explained that they would need to sedate me for the interplanetary travel. The method they use is pretty old. They apparently are so cheap they are unwilling to get newer tech. So they need to separate body and soul for the travel to function. Newer methods make you dream and even learn while you travel and no separation is needed. This has lead to the next problem and why I talk about A body and not about MY body.

There are several departments. One handles the body, the other the soul as we call it. It is all your memories. And the departments do things differently. Each has their own procedures. One orders the body by birth date, the other stores the soul by name. And they want to not spend any more money than is strictly needed, so there is no real connection. Just a list. This means there is NO way of knowing what body goes where.

The next is the department of transport. They get the bodies and the soul for the different planets. They just take body 1 and put soul 1 into it and then go down the list till they are all done. And that is how I ended up in this great female body that is not my own. And this will likely be my body till the end of time. They put me on the landing thing and that is where I woke up. They showed me a short movie in their style and then left it at that2.

Getting working

When I arrived, it was clear that there were people doing this that had build factories before me. There were also some very old factories3. The planet is somewhat weird. The ground moves like sand dunes over longer times, it seems, but it is still very rock-like. A bit like how glass flows. I can use some of the things that are left behind by the previous person. No idea if that person or persons ended their contract or died or moved to another planet. I just hope they are in a better place, whatever that may be.

Ficsit is so cheap, they even have not given me all the info. I have to do not only the building, but my own research. And somethings I just jerry-rig together. Using the power cables as transport was a nice thing. And I can also buy thing from the Company Store after selling things to the Company Store. They seriously charge me a LOT. So much. From the little feedback I got, there is a CEO on the Space Elevator. That is who I am directly working for. I get very little to no feedback. From what I have gotten as information, all she is interested in is her next bonus and her food.

Getting things made

The CEO now eats mainly Doggo Burgers. Yeah, she is a sick person. But she is fed up. What she wants to try is a Big Crab Sandwich. But to kill that animal, you need a very special weapon and that is what the end product will be. So all that we do is for a sandwich. And she is allergic to shellfish, so it will all be for nought. And on top of that she does not even know that the animal is already extinct due to what we have done to the planet. So even when I am ready, it will have been all for nothing.

Getting out

So what could I do to get out of here? I have tried jumping off a cliff, but they just put me back together. They even care more about the suit than about me as a person. The CEO cares so much about her bonus that she can NEVER admit to have made an error, so I abuse that. When she asked me to be efficient, she has NO idea what that is. So I tell here that whatever I do is the most effective way of doing things. And she gobbles it up. It makes everything go a LOT slower, but she has no idea what normal speed would be. So she just writes this in her report and sends it to the next person in the chain of command. They do the same thing and that goes all the way to the top. I bet three steps up they do not even know what galaxy we are talking about, let alone the planet.

If she would admit that I am not the right person, it would mean a small amount of a percentage less bonus. And she can’t handle that. So I think that being passive aggressive might either at some point gets me fired. I have tried to explain that the Giant Crab is not there any more, but it is a pure top-down company, so nobody listens. When it comes out, she will still blame me. Shit trickles down.


  1. In Satisfactory many people do not read the start blurb. This is also a reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and the fact that companies like Disney buy laws. Also partly on how Russians hired into the Army ↩︎
  2. It explains the difference in the body compared to how I see myself in real life. ↩︎
  3. This explains why some factories are buried into the environment. It also explains that I do not need to have any knowledge about previous factories and why I build a separate factory for each item (except Tier 9 items) ↩︎